The Life And Times of Shemp

Of all the blog joints in all the towns in all the world

2004-10-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

So, I’m really glad that I went out on my non-date date (as Suzie put it) instead of sitting at home and watching the debates on TV. The way I figure it, all the good parts were on The Daily Show anyway.

Actually, things went so well at the concert that Mount St. Helens had to do something. The Earth didn’t move, but she did blow off some steam, and ash. Ha. Yeah, anyway. So, the concert was actually really good, I still don’t know too much about Scottish Indie Rock music, but I knew I enjoyed Snow Patrol enough to pick up their new CD, Final Straw.

But what made the concert better was running into an unexpected someone at the bar. I went to grab a beer, and there was this girl next to me in line. I had one of those weird feelings, the “I know you from somewhere” vibes about her, and at first I thought she was someone who’d been to the bar. I mean, she was cute, in that young professional sorta way, and it’s not uncommon that we get those sort of people (as compared to the burly, large, hairy knuckled Shemp behind the bar).

But, I knew that wasn’t it. And as I sat there in line, and she started to get uncomfortable with me looking at her cock-eyed and buzzed every couple of seconds, suddenly I knew that I knew her name. “Becca?”

I was right, her name was Becca, or it had been, years ago, back when we were in high school. She didn’t recognize me, which isn’t too surprising, as I’ve changed a good bit, I mean, I graduated what, seven years ago? Eight? I don’t even remember.

But, we chatted for a bit, she’s living here in Portland, and working as a market executive. We exchanged phone numbers and I think we’re going to at least do coffee tomorrow.

But, how off is that? Running into someone from high school? Especially from a town as tiny as Bandon.

Why do we blog? And other life affecting questions

2004-09-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

Why do I blog? I really wish that I had some ultra-witty, quasi-philosophical response to that, something with at least a triple meaning, but, alas, Shemp is lacking. I started blogging because I thought I was missing out on something, and then it got to be cathartic, especially after the entire Jamie incident. I figured, I’ve come this far, why stop now, right?

But, looks like I’m taking up that spare concert ticket of Luke’s. I’d like to say for the record that just because we’re going to the concert, and I’m using his former flame’s ticket, does not make this a date. But, yeah, Snow Patrol tonight at the Aladdin. See you all there. Luke says there the new Scottish Indie Rock export. And more importantly, he says the cool chicks who know what that means will be at the concert. I could go for a cool chick.

But I learned my lesson about saying I was going to get laid.

A Day Late And A Blog Short

2004-09-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

So, I just back in, decided that maybe the phone was the greatest point to tell Luke that Steph wasn’t as in to him as he was to her. So, I had him meet me at this little café that’s about halfway between our respective concrete caves. Turns out I was too late. Ah, the irony of it all. I sit on something for a few days, and by the time I finally gather up the gall to act, I’ve already missed my chance. Queue Alanis Morrisette music now.

So, on dealing with the debutante’s handbook, even if she has a ghostwriter, how did she warrant a B-? Honestly, I don’t think Steven King could have added drama to her life? It’s rich, glitz, and parties. Maybe some kissing, but there’s not real drama.

And for that matter, why are you all reading my blog? Aside from Tim, who assures me he’s reading this, I don’t think I actually know any of you. So, what’s in it for you?

Blog Abuse Charges

2004-09-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

It’s a good thing there is no social services for bloggers, because mine would have been taken from me and I’d have been charged with fuckin’ neglect of a blog. So, here’s the rundown of Shemp’s life for about the past week.

Thursday night was enlightening. Luke actually seemed to be happy with Stephie, and it showed because he spent more attention talking about this upcoming Snow Patrol concert on Thursday. Mind you, that’s tomorrow.

By the time Sunday rolled around, things were either different, or Stephie was singing a different tune than Luke was. Jenny and I liked up to grab a bite to eat and then hit the movies, before coming back to my place.

I know, coming back to my place has done nothing but lead me towards trouble so far, but, it’s convenient, frankly, and I’m lazy. Anyway, somehow, during the course of the after dinner / pre-coital conversations, you know the time, when you both know what’s coming next, but for some unknown, ultimately strange reason, you decided to talk about everything other than sex, so that somehow the act itself can blindside you. One of those topics was Luke and Stephie, since the relationship between myself and Jenny doesn’t really have any merit of it’s own, we prefer to sit about and talk about others. I asked Jen if Steph was into this band Snow Patrol, since she was going to the concert with Luke. Jen replied, what concert?

Oh boy. So it seems that Luke was getting ahead of where Steph wanted to go, and she wasn’t telling him this, but she was telling Jen. So, I was stuck in this wonderful spot where I have knowledge of something my friend should know, but if I tell him, there’s a good chance the messenger could get shot. Especially considering that he really likes this girl. And she seems to like him, but he frustrates her.

So, I’m stuck with having to deal with ‘how to a guy he might want to lower the ivory tower a few floors and get everything in his kingdom on the same level.’ I figure I’ll have to do it today, being that the concert it tomorrow.

Books gone to the fuckin' blogs

2004-09-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

So, I was going to get on today and tell you all the semi-interesting things that have happened in my life since I got back. But, this just seems so much less important, as it should, but for some reason it really bothers me. So, fuck it, here goes.

A couple of weeks ago, maybe a month, I picked up a printer at Best Buy, and you if you’ve been to a Best Buy recently, say in the past year, you know you can’t really get out of there without a free 8 week subscription to Entertainment Weekly. I certainly didn’t. But, my first one got here today, and I was flipping through it, and I got to the book review section. What has our world come to? Paris Hilton’s biography got a B-. What the fuck is the deal with that? EW is usually pretty stiff on their reviews, but this person for no reason other than having a grip on her father’s money, an annoying dog, and a small modeling career has somehow gripped the world like cancer. She’s like SARS, and her book (which I’m surprised exists, didn’t know she could read, never mind construct a sentence) got a better than average review? I think heads need to roll at EW, this is worse that the whole Dan Rather fake document story.

Now nothing can surprise me. Shemp has seen everything. After this, anyone should be able to be published, for we’ve officially hit the bottom.

Sitting Around, Shooting the Blog

2004-09-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

So, I’d like to say I’ve been busy these past few days, since getting back from home and from the hospital, but that would just be a lie. I’ve been in a bit of a funk. I’d just been getting used to going out with the Freshman, to playing cards with Luke and the rest of the guys, and to thinking that maybe there was something to enjoy in life, and then this whole car accident thing came up and I saw just how fragile life itself is. So, yeah, pretty horrible there.

Last night, Stacy and I ended up working together, which is weird, but the whole schedule got screwed up at work with me having to call out both Saturday and Monday. It was dead, but obviously the Freshman didn’t know that most people don’t party on Tuesday nights. They rolled in and started chatting me up. I had to turn them down, I couldn’t go out, had to work, had to make up the hours that I missed over the weekend. No chance of leaving early. Sorry. All those things. They looked bummed, but those two are that type that turn a rainy parade into a wet t-shirt contest. Already embroiled in a conversation, they walked out of the bar.

Of course, Stacy turned to me and wondered aloud, “Trade Jamie in for a high school girl?” “No, not high school, they’re both college grads.” “They just seem so young.” “There’s only a couple of years difference.” To which Stacy gave one of those knowing “Uh-huhs” and laughed. I tolerated the odd “cradle-robber” comments for the rest of the night, and that meant that playful goading was on. And it’s funny, because Jenny had always struck me as the girl who was in the know about nearly every trend out there be it art, music, or shoes. But, when stood next to Stacy, she just seemed childish.

Also, all of you who sent emails wishing my mother well, thank you. She's doing better, still in the wheel chair, but she says she's getting used to it. And thanks for the comment Hed.

Weekend Collisions

2004-09-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

There are good weekends, and then there are bad weekends. And then there are the weekends I had. I didn’t have much planned, but I got this phone call when I was at work Friday and it sorta doomed whatever I didn’t have planned before I could even get around to doing that myself.
Friday was my parents’ anniversary. 27th, I think. But, they went out, they were heading out to a restaurant just outside of Bandon where they used to go back when they dated. They were on the way back, the car got hit by a high school kid, and Mom had to get taken to the hospital in an ambulance. They kept here there for a while, overnight. It was nearly noon when I got there on Saturday. I had to get to the airport and rent a car and drive all the way home, which took nearly five hours despite speeding.
She looked like hell, but she was conscious. She was pretty doped up. Aside from fear of internal bleeding, which she didn’t have, and any neck or back injury, which they didn’t know about, she really only suffered a broken hip and bruised leg. She’s in a wheel chair now though, and she’s being pretty tough about it. Which is good. But, it was scary.
But, I’m back in Portland now, and I’m going to hit the sack pretty early tonight. That ride tired me the hell out. It really sucks to be so helpless in these situations.

Blogging At Shemps!

2004-09-17T17:09:00.000-07:00

So, what can I say about last night? Luke and I went to the bar where we were supposed to be meeting just the Freshmen…yeah supposed to. Not that they stood us up, but rather it was like a college reunion of sorts. Stephie and Jenny were there, but there were a handful of others. The entire night turned into a series of bar hops. We went all over the North West district, bar after bar, and suddenly it was last call. We argued over where to go, and finally, Luke came up with the genius plan that we all just go back to my place.
So, the party ended up here, with a crowd of people in my apartment, and drinking, and smoking, and loud music, and eventually we all just sorta crashed.
And you know what I learned from all of this? Jenny prefers to kiss before she brushes her teeth in the morning. I hope that’s just something to do with being drunk.

Out Blogging with the Freshmen

2004-09-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

So, I called up Luke, to see what’s going on tonight, because for me, this is basically the weekend. I don’t like to think, to convince myself that I’ve made certain circumstances for my job, but let’s face it, I work so that people like the Freshman (which is how I think I’ve decided to describe Jenny and Stephie) can go out and have a good time. So, tonight, it looks like I’m going out with the Freshmen. Luke doesn’t know where, and we’re leaving my part of the city, going over somewhere around 23rd. I guess whatever happens will have to be discussed later. I have learned from my mistakes though, I’m not guaranteeing I’m going to get laid out of this. Besides, with the late nights and the talking and the coffee and the chain smoking, these Freshmen are found of crazyness that I think I’ve grown out of. When did I become old?

All night talking over coffee and blogging cigarettes

2004-09-15T13:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I’m awake now, but I don’t feel like it. Things at the bar with the Freshmen couldn’t have worked out better if they were scripted. It, of course, started with introductions and hugs across the bar all around, except for Luke (we’re not hugging), and then they all sat down and we just started talking. The next thing I knew, Mike the Manager was telling me it was time to wrap it up, using his own version of managerial sign language. I figured it was the end of the night. I was wrong. The next thing I know we’re all outside together, they’d waited there for me smoking cigarettes and talking about whatever it was they were talking about. And then we were off to a little coffee shop, really the only thing open at two in the morning on a, I guess it was technically Wednesday.
So, the laughing, and the quick wit, and Steph’s continual comparisons to “Sex in the City”, a show I’ve never watched. Guys don’t do that sorta thing. But, comparisons aside, the night was really interesting. It was different, to go out on a double date, very high school, and to be with girls who had such energy, and Jenny who would say such wonderfully pointed things, making comparisons to music and art and books that I’ve never read.
I’m going to fix myself some breakfast now though. Oh, and to Omni, yes, it’s raining in Portland, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop today. To Levi, you think MTV is ready for Shemp?

A Blog Before I Sleep

2004-09-15T05:31:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe I’m still up. So, the freshman class of Portland has some energy. Luke came into the bar around midnight, alone. He was excited, you know, glancing around expectantly. He wasn’t disappointed. He had a beer, I waited near him. It was a Tuesday, and justifiably not busy. Neither of us were disappointed. Stephanie, who prefers to go by Steph, or Stephie, and her friend Jennifer, who only goes by Jen or Jenny, came in. Stephie was cute in that alluring, girl-next-door Mandy Moore way. Jennie, the girl I’m intended to double with, was girl-next-door in her own way. She was no knock-out, but hey, I’m not either. But she was something that I’ve gotten away from, she was witty. I’ll write more on this later. I’m too tired to write now. I just walked in the door.

And Blog begat blog

2004-09-14T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, more changed, so that my blog doesn't look so infintile when Tim checks it out, as if he hasn't already. I've added a "Best of Shemp" set of links, that way people who're checking my story out for the first time won't feel so lost. Also, anyone can comment now, that's right, even those of you without Blogger accounts.

Also, I just got off the phone with Luke. Not one of those things you’d expect. Guy’s don’t talk on the phone. Hell, we barely talk when we’re together, but Luke had to ask me something. See, he, like you all, knows my whole situation, recently single, frustrated with Stacy, but Luke’s got his own dating scene, or so it seems that he does now. He hooked up with one of the new Portland girls. We get them around the end of the Summer every year. They’re kinda like the city’s “freshman” class. He picked up this chick Stephanie, and she’s kinda weary of him. Luke’s a pretty slick guy, but new girl in the city, I don’t know, I’m not a chick, so she’s at this point where she only is willing to hang out if her friend, comes along. So, Luke’s looking towards ol’ Biggy Shemp to play wingman on this one. I’ve got nothing against that. I’m a pretty game guy. Anyway, they’re going to come by the bar tonight, Luke, Stephanie, and her friend. And I have the feeling of impending doom on this one.

Blogging Away the Weekend

2004-09-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

So, I was sitting around my apartment Sunday night, feeling rather alone, and frankly bored. Bored was something I’d gotten out of the habit of being when Jamie was around; there was always something, even if that something was just sex. But, I guess I got used to the company, so I gave Tim a call, a friend whom I’ve more or less neglected since the time that Jamie came into my life. I figured, if there’s anyone who’s sitting around and doing nothing on a Sunday night, it’d be Tim. He’s the kind of guy who gets excited talking about speakers, or new computers, or big screen TVs. He’s a cool guy, he’s just very ready to sit around and enjoy his toys. I figured, if I was in this mess, his mess was probably deeper. So, I got him on the phone, and against his arguments that he would miss the Simpsons, I convinced him to go out. We had a pretty decent time. Nothing spectacular, just went out, drank a few beers, and came home. It was nice though, there was nothing expected, no claims, just idly conversation. He seemed pretty pumped, when he’d asked me what I’d been up to and I told him to check my blog. So, that was that, and I met the week with a better than usual perspective, especially for a Monday.

Blogged Remorse

2004-09-12T15:42:00.000-07:00

Sunday, my day off again, it’s funny how the weekend can sorta sneak up on you. So, life’s been actually pretty boring lately. I’m certain that everyone knows what yesterday was, I mean, in retrospect, how could anyone not know, but it must have just slipped my mind. Work Friday was relatively normal, especially compared to work Saturday, which was quiet, almost dead, but I really don’t like to use that word, not when talking about Saturday. Sometimes I think I’m the only one in America who doesn’t have some sort of personal relation to the events of September 11th. I was pretty much unscathed, beyond the horror that gripped us all. I didn’t know anyone who was involved, I slept through the entire thing, catching what was already old news when my parents called to make sure I was alright. In fact, the closest I’ve come to be personally involved with the tragedies of three years ago yesterday was the soldier I talked to the other day, and Jamie, whose brother is in Iraq himself. I don’t know, but I feel like I should have been more affected by yesterday, instead of sleeping in and playing Playstation and then going to work.
Stacy worked last night. It’s funny, ever walk into a room, expect something to happen and then be greeted by a huge nothing. It was like the other night never even happened. She might as well have dropped me off at my doorstep, or never even driven me home. How the hell does that workout? I don’t know. I almost called Jamie. I felt like I should be feeling, feeling something other than just being alone, something, I mean, maybe it had something to do with the date, but isn’t this the time of the year when we’re supposed to feel some community with our neighbors?

Blogging in the dark

2004-09-10T01:56:00.000-07:00

I just walked in the door, I’m a bit buzzed and tired as hell. Poker didn’t go to well, which is good for me because we don’t play for money. And it’s good that we don’t play for money because Luke is pretty much the man when it comes to Texas Hold ‘Em. It was relaxing, though, it sit around with the guys, Luke, Jason, and Steve, and just play some cards. I told them all about Stacy, and they were totally in. Luke especially, considering he met Jamie when she rolled in to my bar at what he called “The Bitter End”. He didn’t hold back his laughter when it came to her, but then, I got my own smiles in, in the end, at least I got laid. They couldn’t believe what happened with Stacy either. But, then, I can hardly believe it either. See, I don’t think that Stacy knows that Jamie is gone. She drove me back to my place, and I was pretty forward in the car, remembering the last time she drove me home. So, and this is a couple of nights ago, and I’m drunk, so the details are a bit fuzzy, but, we got out of the car, after my hands had been on her, and she hadn’t even come close to saying “no” to anything. She went upstairs with me after I oh-so-smoothly offered to show her my place. We got inside, I went for a light, she stopped me from turning it on. Her hand found mine, and by the time she found my couch in the dark, we were all over each other and our clothes were coming off. We never made it to the bedroom, used a condom from her purse, and she was completely silent the entire time. It was fast, it was silent, and then she was gone. It might not sound like much, but I think she did it in the hopes that Jamie would wake up. But, I guess without asking her, I’ll never know.

Now with 35% more Blogging Power!

2004-09-09T15:41:00.000-07:00

Check it out. Got the day off and did something with it. So, welcome to the new and, hopefully, The Life and Times of Shemp. I was scrolling through my comments and I’d like to welcome Sid. Syndication eh? Today, I tried to figure out just how to do that. I mean, how fuckin’ cool would it be if I was carried in a newspaper or something? As far as I know, blogs don’t get carried in newspapers, but they are carried in XML. It’s pretty cool. I also found out I’m pretty popular. But, I also didn’t do anything to make myself popular. I figure that must have been you guys. So, that sorta makes you all friends of Shemp, so if you have a blog you want listed, just email the address to me and I’ll hook you up on the side.
As far as Holbrook, I don’t live there, the soldier I was talking to did. I live in Portland, in the Pearl. Yes, I did sleep with Stacy. I didn’t want yesterday’s post to be any longer than it had to be, it starts to get hard to read after a couple of paragraphs. I’ll give you the dirt on Stacy later tonight. I’m heading out now to grab something to eat. Poker at Luke’s tonight. I’ll blog about it later.

Bloggers in Far Off Lands

2004-09-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

The hard thing about being a bartender, the rough part, is that I get to hear everyone else’s stories. I’m always the audience and seldom the star. In the couple of years that I’ve served drinks, I figured I’d heard everything there was, stories of wives leaving, on infidelity, of death, of betrayal, it’s kinda like being a cop, only those stories leave and I don’t get to hear them anymore. I wipe the bar down and clear off the sweaty napkins, bus the glasses, and move on to the next story. Last night, I got one of those stories, but it was a first, a first for me at least. It’s kinda funny when things you hear about on the news reach you, kinda pulls you out of the comfort of the daily routine, and forces a larger perspective, a piece of the world on you. It was still early last night, like nine-ish, and the bar was quiet, it was a Tuesday, you guy walks into the bar, short hair, pretty good tan. He had one of those uneasy smiles on his face, he sat down at the bar, I asked him what I could get him, he ordered a beer. I’ve gotten pretty good at telling how old people are just by looking at them, you can read a lot in people’s body language. Because of this I’m not that strict when it comes to carding, but this guy looked young. He pulls out his ID, it was white and vertical, so I figured it was an out of state minor’s, no, it was military. “Age is on the back.” I figure, I didn’t need to check his age, being in the Army, but I flipped it over, he was twenty four. Basically my age. I poured him his beer, and he wrapped both hands around it, and just sorta looked at it. “Everything okay?” “I just got back, this morning, all I wanted to do, all we talked about since we got over there was about this, about how nice it’d be to sit down and have a beer, to see our families and just relax, you know?” “Yeah, I guess.” He smiled at that, “I grew up here, in Holbrook, and I had this girl, Sarah. We dated in high school, she stayed around here, I joined the Army. Now she lives in the city, and I had to see her. She’s married now.” “That’s rough man.” “Yeah, but you know what? It’s okay.” “Well, thanks man. Beer’s on the house.” I’ve never seen a soldier cry, didn’t think it was possible, but he teared up and he looked at me, and he took a cigarette out with shaky hands and lit it. “They’re American,” he said with pride as he tapped his pack. “I’ve been in Iraq for four months, I’ll be back there in two weeks. I’ve been shot at, I’ve been in a convoy hit with an IED, I’ve even had to squeeze the trigger. I love this country, man, and before I went to Iraq, I never really knew what that meant. The news has got it all wrong, we’re doing the right thing over there, kids are going to school, the economy is picking up, we’re immunizing and… all they talk about is bombings and ambushes. On the news. They make it really hard to do our job. We’re just trying to help those people. I didn’t think anyone here cared about us.” I couldn’t really think of anything to say, and it was against the rules, but I had a cigarette there at the bar and finally mumbled out something like “I had no idea.” He thanked me for the beer and he walked out the door. Sometimes it’s good to be the audience though. It’s really weird to wake up and think about a guy, about that soldier, but I did. I should have had other things on my mind. I slept with Stacy last night.

Blogs of Summer

2004-09-06T16:27:00.000-07:00

If I’ve learned anything in my life, it’s that never consider anything a guarantee. Never say your boat is unsinkable, never say you going to get laid tonight. So, if you can’t tell from that, I didn’t get any Saturday night, and I spent all of Sunday relaxing by myself, which gave me a great deal of time to reflect, and to have one pretty large realization dawn on me, it’s Labor Day weekend. Which explains why Stacy wasn’t at work Saturday night, and why I didn’t go home with anyone, and why there wasn’t anything good on television this weekend, and why I can’t wear my white shoes anymore. Okay, so the last part was a joke, the only white shoes I own are my running shoes, and they’re only mostly white and I’ll keep wearing them to run.
But, Labor Day means something here, something more than the end of summer, it means the start of the grey season. We don’t get tragically heavy winters, just rain, and a deprivation of sunlight until spring is fully upon us. A lot of people can’t understand this, because they have distinct seasons, or they’re Californian Sun Worshippers and thus the sun is a major part of their lives year-round. But, here, the sun is something that goes away, and when it does, people just seem to move a little slower, talk a little lower. It’s still nice out here, it’s been in the seventies all weekend, and I thought about going out to the beach, but then I realized I don’t have a car, and I didn’t feel like calling Luke to go out, and well Tim’s not much of a beach guy.
I thought about doing some writing this weekend, but I couldn’t really find anything to write about, things just were, and when things just are, there’s not much to say about them. It’s not like when thing aren’t, when we just wax poetically about how they should be, but aren’t, and wonderful things would be if they were, but they aren’t. But, people should be back today, and things should be looking back up, returning to normal, and getting ready for Tuesday, which is the new Monday this week. Not me though, I’ve still got to work tonight, and I’ll be heading there soon. And as quiet and boring as things have been, at least I’m not in Florida. ‘Cause in Florida, things aren’t, rather than are.

Blog-tender, lend me your eye

2004-09-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

Luckily last night was better than yesterday. It felt good to be out and about and to not have anyone know what was going on. To everyone else in the world it was just Friday, and it was nice outside and so the bar was relatively packed. We had a relatively younger crowd recently, with all the former college kids fighting the fight to separate the habits they picked up in college with the habits they could afford now. It was funny, because I’d be serving a customer and there’d be that hesitation where I’d ask myself if I tell her a joke or laugh just that hair too loud at hers, would it, could it possibly be misconstrued? And then I realized, why the fuck do I care? I’m single now. Again. I built those solid, slogged in dating habits pretty fast, probably because the relationship moved so fast, I think we skipped the casual getting to know you dating bit, but then, it was certainly a unique experience. Just about as unique as it was to sit around my apartment today with nothing to do. But, I’m working tonight. And I’m off tomorrow. Plenty of possibilities.

Blog you too, buddy!

2004-09-03T15:25:00.000-07:00

No matter how late I sleep, I can never seem to beat that hangover. I had this morning coming, after last night, after yesterday. Everything came to a head, and that head was an angry one. When I woke up yesterday I realized that Jamie really was gone, and then I started to wonder why? I started to feel bad, and that didn’t fly at all. So, I got angry, not the healthy dealing with your issues sort of anger, the cloud kind, the one that hugs your skin, that flows through your veins, the one that shouts about how the whole world is just one big injustice and live fast and die young and if there’s enough of you left to call a corpse than you just came up fucking short. So, I started drinking. I mean, why should I be sad that she left me? What right did I have to carry the blame on this one? Sure, I fuckin’ blogged about our relationship, so what, people do that all the time. And so what, I asked her to get a job, to help out, and I’m fucking standing by that one, I mean, why should she loaf around my apartment when I work five nights a week? I mean, I’ve basically given up my entire social life for my job, I work so that other people can go out, and it ended up I was working so she could stay in? That’s not me, there’s no way that’s me. And then there was the bit about Rob, I’m pretty slow to anger, I’m a pretty easy going guy, but don’t change your story to fit you. She was crying when I met her, and she was crying when she left me, and if her life was so miserable with me, and it was better than when she was with Rob, than how the hell can she say she shouldn’t have left him? I guess her grass was just always greener.
I should have said all of this last night, when I was with Luke and over at his place playing cards. I should have, but that’s the thing with Luke, that’s the thing with guys, we don’t have to talk about this sorta thing, we just guess what the other person is thinking, and we help out. Luke helped out with the beer, and then with the liquor, and I’m hoping he helped me out getting back here, because I have no recollection of that whatsoever. But, I have to shower and get some water in my, my head is throbbing and I smell like smoke and stale booze. And I get to work tonight.

Back to blogging solo

2004-09-02T00:26:00.000-07:00

First, I’d like to apologize for Jamie posting like that. I probably shouldn’t I mean, she did it, but if I hadn’t been keeping this blog than perhaps tonight wouldn’t have happened. I was at work and the bar was dead. It was raining out and I guess people just decided to stay home tonight and drink. Luke was there and we were talking about Jamie of all things, and whether she could come out with us tomorrow, maybe come to the poker game. And then she walked in. I got “Hey” out before I noticed the look on her face, you know the look, the one of sudden death, that icy hot killer stare. She opened her mouth once or twice before she even said anything and then came out with “Check your webpage” and walked back out of the bar. So, of course I got that sick feeling in my stomach. Luke got his own puzzled look going on and turned to me, “You’ve got a webpage?” I didn’t know exactly what she meant, but I did have a pretty good idea. I didn’t really have anything to say, Luke was left out in the rain on the whole thing. Yeah, I’ve got a webpage, a blog really, and I’ve spilled the entire relationship out on there. But, it was just something I did, like throwing rocks at a beehive, you never really think you’ll hit it, and they’ll get mad and come out stinging. I cut out a little early tonight, it’s amazing how you can impress upon management how it’s really a waste to keep you on when the night is so slow.
I don’t know what I expected when I got home. I kinda thought she’d have wrecked up the place, stuff thrown everywhere in betrayal-rage. But she hadn’t. The entire apartment was cold and quiet except for the rain on the windows. The lights were all off, and Jamie and her things were gone. If my life had been a movie there’d have been an angry note in lipstick on the mirror, or a letter on my pillow, but since it’s not, and since it’s 2004, there was just an angry post on my blog, which by now you’ve all seen. I’ve though about erasing it, but I really don’t think I’m ready to do that, not yet. I’m still pretty numb, I don’t think the reality has hit me yet, so I’m going to wrap this up and go to sleep.

2004-09-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

Fuck you okay Fuck you and all your teamwork talk How could you do this to me? When was this about us anyway and when was this about your internet thing I mean how could you let everyone know about this I left Rob for you I gave up a good thing and a good man and a good life because we had something I guess we didn’t so this is goodbye and I hope you burn in hell for this. Fucking asshole

We're in this blog together

2004-09-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, so got a little surprise this morning. I woke up and Jamie was still here. I stumbled out into the living room and she’s watching tv. So, I asked her what’s up, did she get a job, thinking maybe she was waiting for an interview later or something. She said no, she was just tired and was taking a break. I lost it. I was totally immature and started ranting about her being too tired to look for a job, but her being tired wasn’t helping to pay the bills. She said she was waiting on her government job, which made me more mad because I’d told her that she could be waiting for months on a job she might not get. She got mad and started to cry. This of course made me that much more mad, because I’m normally a softie when a woman cries. Not this time, I put my foot down and said she needed to go out and she needed to get a job because this is a relationship, and we’re a team and right now she’s not pulling her weight. She started to yell back about how she loves me and she wants this to work too, but it’s hard for her, she’s in a new town and she’s just trying to follow her dreams and get a life in order and she wants it to be our life. And on and on. I asked her to just try to find a job, just something for now. I mean, I’m not asking her to get a career, she can go bag groceries, just something to help out. She wiped her eyes and walked gave me a cold look and walked out the door.
That was an hour or so ago and it’s looking like rain soon, so I’m going to get to work before that starts.

Brother, can you spare a blog?

2004-09-01T02:10:00.000-07:00

So, it’s early, or late, depending on how you want to look at it. I just got back for work and Jamie is sound asleep in my bed. She wasn’t there when I woke up this morning and she wasn’t there all day when I was sitting around my apartment like a single fool. I mean, Jamie and I haven’t been dating for anything near a long time, but regardless of the actual time, I’d gotten really used to her being around, if not doing anything. And so, today was kind of a nice break, I got to sit around in my shorts and catch up on my Playstation games. It was relaxing, easy, and totally devoid of drama. Inexplicably, to top all of this, it was devoid of drama, and I found myself looking around several times for Jamie. I mean, I’ve been on the job search before, but I’ve always found one. I mean, it’s not hard, you just have to lower your standards, accept the job for the meantime and hold out for the good one, the one that’ll pay the bills and leave something to enjoy. We’re not talking about a career here, we’re talking about today, right now, something that’ll bring a paycheck in. And to TheWife, thank you for your input, I’ll bring that up to Jamie. I personally had no idea how long it takes to get a government job, being that I don’t have one, nor have I looked for one. I, personally, am more interested in the meantime. I figure I’ve got the rest of my life to figure out the longterm, but right now I’ve got a small stack of bills to take care of, and while Jamie is waiting on her Fed job, she’s doing more harm than good. But, I’m tired and I need to get some sleep.

All Quiet on the Western Blog

2004-08-30T18:51:00.000-07:00

Running to work now. Jamie hasn’t come back yet, so my apartment’s been awfully quiet. I don’t know if that means that she’s gotten a job or what, but right now I don’t have time to worry about that. Anyways, off to work.

Blog, Blog, Blog, Junk Mail, Wrong Address, Blog...

2004-08-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

End of the month, and we all know what that means, bill time. Normally this isn’t too much of a problem, I mean, Portland ain’t cheap, but I get by. Like I said, normally, and then I realized just how expensive it is living with Jamie. Not that she costs a whole lot, just that she’s not working. So, we had it out about this a little while ago. I don’t want to give her a deadline, but as she pointed out before, we’re in this together, and right now I’m pulling all the weight and she’s the one sitting around. So, I told her she had to get a job. I like having her around, but I don’t know how much longer I can afford it. Go figure right, after all of this, it all comes down to the dollar, the bottom fuckin’ line.
Anyway, sorry I couldn’t post yesterday, Jamie and I went out and saw Garden State and then met up with Luke for an evening of beer and shooting pool. We were out for most of the day and then came back to catch the end of the MTV awards. What a horrible show.
Jamie’s out of the house, against her wishes. She’s still holding out on a government job, and said she should hear back soon. But, waiting isn’t getting the bills paid, and so… now she’s out.
Two new commenters, Mike, Suzie. I’ll give you the usual two questions – where you from and how’d you find us?

She Just Started Blogging With Me

2004-08-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

So, poker the other night was relaxing, a nice break away from Jamie and when I rolled in I half expected her to not be there anymore. I’m not sure why, I guess it’s just because it’s been what, two weeks, and we’ve had our first actual out in the open fight and that usually signifies that the honeymoon is over. It’s a new record, even for me, two weeks and the relationship is already on the rocks. I know you guys might be tired of hearing about Jamie, but look at it from my perspective, she is one of the biggest things in my life.
Well, she was the biggest thing in my life. No, she didn’t leave, but… okay, I’ll start from the beginning. Last night was Friday, and it was nice out, so the bar was pretty busy. Stacy and I were working together. It wasn’t just the two of us, but as the night went on it might as well have been. There were in jokes and flirts and remarks that would have been considered harassment if we both weren’t participating. I mean, there were a steady stream of customers and noise and drinking and tips and stuff like that to keep it really from being anything but passing and idle, and then we closed.
There’s something you should know about Stacy, and I’m not just saying this to try and rationalize what I did, it’s something that those of us who’ve known Stacy know about her. Physically, Stacy isn’t nearly as attractive as Jamie, but she’s got this thing about her, she, how do I put this, she get what she wants. She’s continually in a relationship, like J Lo, only without the whole marriage thing.
Okay, I’m making excuses, here’s what happened. We close. Lights come on, doors get locked, Mike the Manager takes the cash register drawers into the back room to count them out, and Stacy and I start to clean the floor up while Greg straightens things out behind the bar. We didn’t have customers left to bother us, so the comments and innuendo and high school flirting methods piled on top of each other, one after the other. When we finished up with the bar, we walked outside together and smoked a cigarette. Stacy offered me a ride home. It was nice out, and if I’d said no, well, I’d probably be writing about the poker game from Thursday night. But, frankly I didn’t want to walk home, I’ll be honest, I was enjoying time away from Jamie, enjoying being able to joke and flirt. And I’d figured it was all meaningless anyway, because I’ve got this thing of never having cheated.
And maybe that was it, I was accused of a crime I’d never committed, so we get in her car, but she doesn’t start it. Her hand stops on my knee and I look over at her and it was just like that time in the bar last week, only we were alone, and parked on the side of the street. And it was like high school all over again, it was a lot of heavy petting. We were there on the side of the road making out, and car headlights would occasionally wash over us, and the windows were starting to fog despite it being nice out. Of course, I figured we were going to crawl into the back seat and screw, which was almost laughable because Stacy drives a Jetta, and well, I’m not a little guy. And then I suddenly notice that she’s pulled me out of my pants and she’s leaning over from the driver’s seat going down on me.
She stopped before I was ready, wiped her mouth off, lit a cigarette and started the car. Of course I was floored, because that was one hell of a tease, and if I was going to cheat, then I fully intended to go all the way. But, Stacy just asked for directions and drove me back to the steps of my apartment building. What could I do? I needed to get some. I went upstairs and woke Jamie up. I guess she just considered it to be make-up sex. She didn’t even notice I was an hour late.

Don't Blog Angry!

2004-08-26T19:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, screwing with someone’s head can pay off, and others it just a fuckin’ headache. I’ve yet to figure out what this one is. But, when I got back from jogging, Jamie had some choice things to say herself, a teary “I’m sorry” which was backed up with a long winded story from her college days when she was trying not to be wild and her boyfriend said the same thing, and then left her for another woman, whom he’d been seeing for quite a while. Yeah, so, I could agree with that. But, I told her I thought we were having sex too much. And she nodded her teary-eyed head and said she’d try to slow down, and asked me when would it be okay, how would she know? Hell if I know. But, I had to get cleaned up and get ready to go out in a little while, meeting Luke at the Blue Moon for some beer and pool. Of course, fresh of a make-up, Jamie asked if she could come with, and at first I was totally against it. I mean, right away, no, hell no, it’s a guy’s night. So, she got mad and said “We never spend any time together, and we’re not fucking anymore, so what’s the point?” To which I came back with “We spent all weekend together, and I’ve got nothing against doing something during the day. But you’ve been too busy moping.” Of course, she countered by pointing out that I usually sleep ‘till 2. “That’s because I work at night. I work.” So she stormed off, waiting for me to come and comfort her. And so we’re right back into these damn head games, and I’m getting a headache. Initially I was against taking her with me and Luke tonight, because she wasn’t invited, because it was guy’s night, and now, now I’m against taking her with me because she’s pissed me off.

In other news, whoever that was who called out “Hey Shemp!” from the corner of Couch Street at the park, when I was out jogging, are you a reader?

No Limit Texas Blogger

2004-08-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

What a way to spend my day off. Jamie and I are practicing not talking about certain things right now, basically neither of us has said a thing about her accusations, you know, that I’ve been sleeping around. I hate these kinds of mind games, but I’m not really given much of a choice here. We haven’t as much as touched each other since that time in bed, and conversation has been sparse, which is a real pain in the ass, because Jamie isn’t working, she just sits around the apartment, which means that there is a great level of…fuck, she’s making my own apartment a living nightmare. And she’s moping, I can’t stand that. But, I’m keeping my mouth shut, leaving the next step up to her.
I should have known better than to rush into something like this, but there she was on my doorstep, and we’d talked on the phone, and I guess I thought you could actually know someone that way. I don’t know. It’ll be two weeks tomorrow that she’s lived here…holy shit, haha, Jamie moved in on Friday the 13th. Shoulda seen this one going down hill forever ago.
Anyway, forget it, on to bigger and better things. Like I said, I’m off today, and even though she is content to sit around my apartment and mope, that ain’t my style. So, I got in touch with Luke and we’re going to go out tonight, grab some drinks and then I’m gonna join in with his weekly poker game. And I’d like to welcome TheWife, which is really a difficult name for me to call anyone, since I’m a bachelor (present circumstances aside) to my lil’ Blog. And you know, I’d like to find someone new, someone better, but frankly I’m not an active dater, I don’t bounce from relationship to relationship. I’ve got huge dry spells with the occasional drunken one-nighter thrown in there. But, I’m going to go for a run now, got to get out of the apartment while it’s not raining.

Are You Blogging With Someone Else?!

2004-08-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

Walking home last night in the rain seemed to put everything in perspective, or at least the perspective that I had left my umbrella at home. It’s only a three block walk or so, but I got soaked just the same. Work was nothing to mention, and so I didn’t as I came in and stripped down and got into bed with my hair still wet. Jamie rolled over and in the dark I could feel her smile as she started kissing my next, her fingers on my shoulders and going down my bare chest to disappear into my shorts. “You’re wet,” she whispered. “It’s raining.” “You shoulda called me to come pick you up.” “Can we not do this tonight, I’m exhausted.” And that was the truth, but apparently it has never occurred to them, being the entire female race that you can literally be too tired to want sex. I was, and I was wet, and all I really wanted to do was go to sleep and having a warm body next to me seemed like a good idea, but having a warm body under me or over me just seemed like something that would keep me awake longer. Despite my eyes being closed, despite the room being dark, I could feel those large brown eyes fly open in what was either being startled, angry, or waiting for some sort of punch line. “Okay,” was the only thing she could mention as her hands let go of my cock and the band of my underwear snapped against my waistline. Jamie scooted over to the other side of the bed and rolled over, sleeping with her back towards me. I fell asleep on my own.
I had completely forgotten about the entire ordeal this morning when I got up, earlier than I had intended because someone had called on my cell phone and hung up. I woke up and stayed up because Jamie wasn’t in bed. And when I found her, she was angry. “So, what the fuck was that about last night?” “What was what about?” “I had my hands down your pants and you blew me off.” “I was wet and tired.” She was quiet for a while, and I mistakenly figured that she believed me. So, I went about making some breakfast for myself. “So, where you see her before I moved in?” I damn near dropped my glass. “What?” “The other girl. Was she here before me or after?” “What other girl?” “The other girl you’re fucking?” And of course I thought about Stacy, but here’s the thing, Stacy and I have kissed once, and after that kiss, we saw each other in passing. There had been no sex. And yet, here I was the one getting fucked on it.

You've got a blog-o living with you?!

2004-08-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

Bummer about the job Doc, no one likes to be bored. I think that’s what happened, or rather, what’s happening with Jamie. Not that the sex is boring, because it’s different, and it’s fun, it’s just that it’s almost scheduled. And that takes a lot of the fun out of being a guy. I mean, we spend most of our time trying to get laid, and when we don’t have to try…we’re hunters, dammit. I came up with this last night, Luke stopped in to the bar, don’t know if you remember me talking about him, we worked in a restaurant together back when I first actually got to Portland, and after I left to come work at the bar, he stayed on there for a while. We still hang out a lot though, go out and play pool, and we used to sit around play some poker. Texas Hold ‘Em gets big on TV and suddenly guys are playing poker again. Well, Luke stops by the bar, and it’s slow, so I end up bull-shitting with him for a while, and I spill what’s going on. Funny, it’s supposed to be the other way, the drunk stammering to the bartender. But, we do things funny in my bar. Luke wasn’t anywhere near understanding. He said, and I quote, “Let me get this straight, you’ve got a nympho living with you?” “Basically.” “And she’s hot?” “Yeah.” “Bro, what the fuck is your problem? Switch lives with me, I’ll be you for just like a night.” So, Luke wasn’t the most understanding, but at least he was funny about it. This is one of the weirdest spots I’ve ever found myself in.

Between a Blog and a hard place

2004-08-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

I never thought I’d say this, didn’t think any guy could ever even consider it, but the fact of the matter is that I’m having too much sex. And it’s not like I’m playing around, sure, things are a little tense between me and Stacy right now, but Jamie’s the only one I’ve been fucking. And really, I’m beat. I can’t sleep for more than like three hours before she wakes me up to go at it, again. These past few days, I’ve been just whooped. I mean, it’s just after two, and we’ve already gone at it twice, and she wanted it two other times, and all I could think was that I’m not even supposed to be awake yet. I’ve been running like crazy, and even going into work early, and don’t get me wrong, I like sex. I like it a lot, but it’s actually starting to interfere with the rest of my life.
In other news, it seems that people are actually reading my blog, at least one guy is. Welcome Doc Hoopsberg, to my little corner of the great digital world. Got any advice on this? Got one more question for you, how the hell did you find me?

Takes a Lot of Blogs to Make an Omlette

2004-08-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

At first this morning I woke up and wondered who the hell put egg shells all over my apartment and why exactly I’m expected to walk on them. And then I remember, I got myself in this mess. Well, kinda. And I’m not really sure yet it if is a mess, but things were certainly tense. I got up and Jamie wasn’t in bed. She was actually sitting on the couch and watching television, which meant that I couldn’t go and play Madden in my shorts like I could when I was a bachelor, you know, two weeks ago. She wasn’t really watching TV either, she was just sorta sitting there with it running and staring off into space. She still looked upset, and it was too early for me to try and deal with something like that. So I went for a run. I guess that’s the one good thing about having a female in the house, it gives me plenty of reasons to get out and go for a run. She seems to like it when I run, because she was there in the bathroom when I got out of the shower. Go Shemp! We pretty much avoided talking about the things that happened yesterday, and I completely avoided anything that might have happened over a few beers that I might have had when I was at work, with someone I might work with. I should go into politics. But, it’s Friday, and so I’m off to work in a little while. Things should be pretty lively tonight, the weekend crowd is definitely more interesting than the usuals. Watching people get drunk is kinda like amusing in it’s own way. I think I’m going to get Jamie out of here tomorrow, go out and see a movie or something.

Not One to Blog and Tell

2004-08-20T03:07:00.000-07:00

It’s late, but I’m not ready for any drama yet. I haven’t gone into the bedroom where I can hear Jamie walking around. But…things sorta happened tonight at the bar. Things with Stacy.
Okay, Jamie’s in bed now and nearly asleep. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep without getting this off my chest. It’s hard to toss and turn when you’ve got someone’s arm and most likely bare leg draped across you. So what is it that would keep me tossing and turning? Well, for one, what Jamie said happened with Rob. They met up, she gave him his things, which was a couple of sweat shirts from college and 3 CDs. Which you know that means, he just wanted to see her again. And he was moping and depressed, and he told her that he wasn’t sorry for falling in love with her, and that he wasn’t ready to fall back out of love, and the only thing that he was sorry about was coming to Portland to see me. Hearing this, of course, pissed me the hell off. How about being sorry for getting totally drunk, hey Rob? How about being sorry for being an idiot and trying to drive drunk? How about that one, Rob? Here’s a good one, how about being sorry for grabbing her, or throwing a punch at me? Those seem like pretty fucking good things to be sorry about.
Yeah, and the other thing, the Stacy thing. So, I show up at work, and Stacy and this guy Tom are the only two people working. It was ungodly slow, and so Stacy and I ended up sitting at a table and just sorta chatting over a couple of beers – Full Sale Pales if anyone is interested – and she could sorta sense that I was pissed about something. The really weird thing is that when I got up the courage to bite the bullet and come back here, I stood up to leave, and Stacy stood up too, and there was that Hollywood sense of awkwardness between us. And I don’t know why, but I leant in and kissed her. And then I turned and left. Why did I do it? The hell if I know. But I did. I’ve never kissed her before, and we’ve gone through our flirting phases for a year now. But, I kissed her and walked back here.
Now that that’s off my chest, I think I can go to bed now.

Good Guys Wear Blog

2004-08-19T18:08:00.000-07:00

Today had too much drama. Or more than I’m used to, however you want to look at it. I was asleep when things started to happen, meaning the phone ringing didn’t wake me up. When I did wake up, Jamie was sitting on the foot of the bed, arguing with someone on the phone. She got off and man, did she look pissed, she was visibly shaking. Turns out that she kept some of Rob’s stuff, and he found out about it, and he wanted it back. She said she didn’t know if she had it, and that if she did, she’d mail it to him. Well, that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he wanted her to give it to him personally. I, personally didn’t see any problem with that, and me not seeing anything wrong only made her more mad. Hey! I’m an innocent in this one. But, not really, not according to Jamie, because she thought I wanted her to come up as soon as possible and she’d packed in a hurry, and come up. And now she had to deal with Rob, again. I didn’t see how that was a big deal. I mean, we all run into Exes at one point or another, it’s just the way life works. She started crying and claiming it was too soon to see him, and I didn’t understand because she really loved him, and she’d left him for me. And he’d said that, and she’d denied it to him. Well, why the hell was she telling me this? It got me mad. I don’t want to be the problem, I don’t want to be the blame. I’m nobody’s scapegoat. She kept crying and I told her to just see him, or to mail them to him and tell him after the package was already gone. She said she couldn’t be that cold. Of course, this only made me more pissed. So, I rolled back over to go back to sleep, ‘cause it was like 11, and she said she was sorry, and she shouldn’t be blaming this on me. I didn’t know what she wanted me to say, but she curled up with me and kept crying. She wasn’t there when I woke up. She was actually here, on my computer, looking up the news. Apparently she does that every day just to see if her brother’s been hurt or killed. He’s got email over there, and so they mail back and forth. She was more calm, but she still looked ready to cry. Turns out Rob’s coming up tonight. Talk about timing. It’s my day off, but I’m going to ‘work’ anyway.

Why did the blog cross the road?

2004-08-18T02:08:00.001-07:00

So, I’ve known Jamie for what, a week and a half now, and she’s been living with me for nearly a week, and when you put it down like that it seems like things are moving really fast. And if they are, why does it seem like these last few days have lasted forever? I mean, I’m awake longer than I was before, before Jamie, she’s already gone and created a large spot in my life. But we’re still getting to know each other, which is good too. We had a fun time at the beach, swapping tales, I’d tell her about the beach in Bandon, and she’d tell me about the beaches in California. And we’d laugh. We had ice cream. It wasn’t as romantic as on TV or in movies, but it was nice. She’s been calling around to recruiters in Portland during the day, looking at how to get into the FBI. I think that’s what she’s picked. And she’s been telling me about her brother, who’s in Iraq right with the Army. He seems like a really cool guy, not at all like I thought a soldier would be. But then, I don’t really know any. Anyway, I’m exhausted and Jamie’ll end up waking me up in a few hours.

Goonies never say Blog!

2004-08-15T02:21:00.000-07:00

So it’s late Saturday night, this getting used to having a girl in the apartment thing isn’t as easy at TV makes it out to be. For one, she gets up way to early. Other than the first few hours after midnight I didn’t even know that there were hours before noon, let alone did I see them. But she’s looking for a job, or recovering from one, or for some reason she gets up in the morning. I personally don’t understand it, but then the morning just isn’t a part of my life. It’s only been two days so far, and she seems a lot less fragile now, no more trembling lip near tear crying spells threatening like when she first got here, or when we were on the phone. It’s not that bad though, not really, not compared to waking up alone. It was easier to sleep with her in the bed last night. I was probably just nervous the first time, that first night. I’ve actually got things planned for tomorrow. I figure maybe we’ll go out to Cannon Beach, just for the day, since she has a car and everything. I guess her being here opens up more options than I realized I had. Anyway, if we go to the beach I can show here the rock, the big one in the ocean, from Goonies. It’s real, third largest monolith in the world. Goonies. I know. I have no shame. I’m a dork. But I’m going to go wake Jamie up, revenge for her waking me up this morning, or I guess technically yesterday morning. Whatever.

Did you hear the one about the Blog and the Rabbi?

2004-08-14T01:33:00.000-07:00

Dear lord, today was one of those days. And I know I’m going to have to write about it, because I have to confess this to someone, and I’m not a Catholic and a priest wouldn’t want to hear this anyway. I have to do this here because my apartment is quiet and Jamie doesn’t know I’m back from work yet, she’s asleep in my bed. She showed up early, Friday instead of Saturday and before noon. Early like 9 am early. And she came prepared for a long haul. She came to move in. I know I might have brought this upon myself, we’d been talking on a the phone a lot, and half the time I didn’t know what I was saying because I’d run out of things to say and she’d been looking for a way to start her future, and perhaps I did, perhaps I offered her space in my apartment. But, seeing her there on my doorstep, outside my apartment door with a large suitcase and her saying she had more in her car, it was a shock. I’d never lived with a girl before, not like this anyway. But, so far it’s been good. We spent the day alternating between sex and unpacking. We had a quiet dinner in and then more sex for desert. I know, it seems great, and really it is. She certainly gives it her all, there’s this passion there, and having passion in my life is strange because it’s been a string of one night stands for so long now.

Blog Ball, corner pocket

2004-08-12T14:02:00.000-07:00

I don’t think I’ve ever spent as much time on the phone as I did the last few days. I spent hours on the phone with Jamie yesterday, getting off when my phone started to die. What on Earth did we talk about? Yeah, I’ve been asking myself that same question. We did the dreams and hopes and aspirations thing, she’s looking for a job in the government, something to put her polysci degree to use in. The cool thing is that she’s looking at the FBI or something else in Homeland Security. I can’t believe we even talked after I got off work. And this could have been a one night stand. Looks like that’s gone out the window. She’s coming up this weekend, so I know I’m going to get some ass. Kinda takes the pressure off of tonight, going out with Luke for drinks and whatever.

I'll have a blog on the rocks, and a diet coke

2004-08-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

I woke up to a text message this morning. It said “I miss you” which kinda caught me off guard, ‘cause the only person that texts me is Luke. And Luke had better not miss me. It was Jamie. I called her ‘cause truth be told, I missed her too. Or maybe I just missed having her around, ‘cause last night Stacy made a pass at me. Stacy and I have been on and off for a while now, the problem being she’s off when I’m on and vice versa. It would have made me feel a lot better if I hadn’t turned her down and Jamie was here. Instead, I turned her down and came home to an empty bed. Why does this always seem to happen to me?

Taking life, one blog at a time

2004-08-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post before work. Jamie called around noon today. I didn’t even mind being it being so damn early. She got back to Bandon alright, but Rob’s being a total bitch about losing her. I guess he shoulda thought about that sooner. Well, fuck him. Anyway, she was almost in tears, and she kept asking me over and over what we were going to do. I’m not used to being a we. Anyway, off to work I go. I do miss her though. Maybe being a we isn’t so bad.

Coffee, two creams and one blog

2004-08-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

Jamie just left, she just walked out to the door, but she made it clear that she didn’t want to be going. I couldn’t help it, we connected. This things just sorta happen, I guess. After I posted this morning I went back to bed, I was up way to early, and after sleeping like hell, I frankly was ready for some rest. I got up when she got up, it was sometime around eleven. Still early for me, but what the hell. So we’re sitting there and having coffee when my phone rings. It was Rob, cue dramatic music. So, he sounded like hell, and he was pensive. Really pensive. He almost apologized for last night, but I think he was still angry, hell, I’d be too, but then, I wouldn’t put myself in that position. And he knew he had to come by, ‘cause he didn’t have his car keys. Here’s where things get difficult. Jamie didn’t know what to do, she said she was at an impasse, her word, not mine. That and her things, most of them, were still in Bandon, at Rob’s folks’ house. So, she had to leave with him. She didn’t know what she wanted to do, well, she didn’t know what she was going to do. She made it clear that she felt something between us, a weird way to say that I was better than, well, more than just a lay, and that, well, between me and Rob, I was the winner and he was the walker. They’d only been dating likes seven months, maybe a little more, but less than a year, and well, I hadn’t seen the guy in like six or seven years myself – we’d been friends in high school, but that was a long time ago and… I’m making excuses. So, Rob shows up and he looks like he spent the night sleeping in an alley, maybe he stayed right there next to his car, I don’t know, maybe he got picked up by the cops. His face was a bit bruised up, and the bags under his eyes didn’t help. But, he said he was leaving, going back to Bandon, and Jamie spoke up, asked him to wait, told him something, I dunno, I couldn’t hear, and I didn’t want to pry. I felt like quoting lines from The Gambler from Kenny Rogers, because that’s about the most cheery sunshiny advice I could think of for this kind of situation, if this counts as a situation, do these things happen often? To other people? Anyway, long story short, they didn’t stick around for long, leaving Portland sometime around two, and she left me with her cell number, and she got mine. And I feel like a total ass for saying this, but I’m kinda glad things worked out like this. I mean, maybe it’s just ‘cause I haven’t been in a relationship for a while, but I miss her, miss her already. And I have no idea where she’s going, or how we’re going to make this work, but it’s kinda like high school right? I feel like I’m charging head first into a situation where the whole world is telling me to just walk away. Fuck.

Holy Shit!

2004-08-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe I left her in bed to write this. Yeah, so last night, around ten thirty, Rob and Jamie show up at my bar. I’m thinking that everything was cool, you know, get to show them my side of Portland, hook them up with some microbrews. Well, turns out that Rob already had a couple of drinks in him before coming into the bar, and well, he got pretty fuckin’ drunk. And he’s not the best drunk, he’s not even a good drunk. He started to cause a scene, and Mike the Manager was getting ready to toss him out. Jamie gave me this look, this total “help me” thing and I told Mike that the guy was a friend of mine and they were in town visiting. I’d get him outta there. Mike said “Fine” but he was taking me off the clock, which isn’t normally as cool as he is, but at the moment, it was cool enough. So, the three of us cut out of there and we walk, Rob stumbles, back to my apartment. That’s when things start to get hairy. Rob reaches for his car door. Now, I’m not the chivalrous kinda guy, but I wasn’t going to let him drive hammered. I told him to give Jamie the keys. Rob got pissy with me, told me he wasn’t going to let her drive his car. I made a reach for the keys and in a moment of drunken brilliance, Rob took a swing at me. He missed, which was pretty good, ‘cause I didn’t see it coming. But I did shove him, and he stumbled into his car. This made him that much more mad. And he screamed at me, something about he can’t believe I hit him. Funny right? Yeah… So he’s standing there on the side of the street, it’s already after midnight, and I start to pull Jamie into the building, hoping that Rob’ll follow. Well, he doesn’t, he just gets more mad, and he makes a grab for her wrist. He yells about how he didn’t pay for a hotel for nothing, and they’re leaving and she’s coming with him. She took the whole thing pretty well, calmly prying his hand from her wrist one finger at a time, and then he made a grab for her hair. I stepped in then, and I put myself between him and her, by put myself in between I mean I punched Rob in the face and stood in between him and her after he tripped backwards and fell down. I told her to go up stairs and I shut the door behind me. She was a mess. After it all, she just started crying. I told her she could sleep in the bed and we’d sort everything out in the morning. She said she was worried about him driving drunk and getting in a wreck, and when I pulled his keys outta my pocket she could only offer up a weak smile. I told her to take the bed, and I’d sleep on the couch, and at first that was cool with her. But, while I lay there not able to sleep and with those slight shakes and weak knees from, I guess, the adrenaline wearing off, I heard someone walking around my apartment. It’s tiny, these things are hard to miss. She called my name, asked if I was asleep. I told her no. She asked if I’d come to bed with her, she didn’t want to sleep alone. Score, right? Yeah, right. So, I get up and go to bed, and it would have been great, except that she’d stripped down to just her underwear, and she was like twenty three, and something about that age, the girls only seem to own thongs, or maybe it was the underwear she was wearing for him because she thought she was going to get some that night, but, she wasn’t wearing anything else, not even a t-shirt. So, here’s my predicament, I haven’t gotten laid in a while, I’m laying in bed with this to-die-for brunette, tan, firm, totally cute face, with the sharp little nose and full lips and big brown eyes, and she’s nearly naked. Oh, and I’d just kicked the crap outta her boyfriend. These things don’t really happen. Really. At least, I used to think they didn’t. Dear Penthouse… So I get into bed, and I lay there, and it always takes me a while to fall asleep with someone new in my bed, or the bed, or whatever bed, and she, Jamie, curls up with her back against my side. And I’m trying really hard not to do anything, and eventually I just fall asleep. I kept waking up, and she kept being there, and I could smell her hair, and it was the entire world. And I guess she kept doing the same thing. Sometime early, before the sun was up, I guess we happened to wake up at the same time, and she looked over, and I looked over, and she whispered something, and I couldn’t hear her, so I moved closer, and she leaned up and closed her eyes, and that was it. It started with kissing, and then her underwear came off, and then mine and before you know, we’re having sex. And here’s the terrible thing. It was really good. I mean really good. And we finished and she curled up against me and we both went to sleep. And for all that I know, she’s still sleeping, even though it’s nearly eight thirty now. But I’m going to get back to bed before she notices I’m gone.

I'll Blog you!

2004-08-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

I’m not really used to waking up and expecting to have to do anything, you know, except go to work. Well, today wasn’t one of those days. Yeah, but oh, it was. I don’t have much time to post this, but believe me, it was interesting to say the least. So, Rob shows up around two, and he knocks on my apartment door, and I haven’t seen the guy since, I don’t know, since we graduated high school I guess. We were pretty good friends, but I stayed in Oregon to go to school and he went down to Berkley. But, man, the girl he brought with him was gorgeous. She was way out his league. This chic named Jamie. Well, the three of us split to go grab some lunch, I apologized for not having time, ‘cause it’s Saturday and I have to work tonight. We ate at this place called The Daily, it’s a nice café not far from where I live, like two blocks. So they just left the car out front of my building and we walked. I couldn’t help it, and I kept trying to hide it from Rob, but I kept checking his girl out. And I couldn’t help it, but I think I was being charming. Fuck. I hope he didn’t notice. Off to work. More on this later. I swear.

Blog like you've never blogged before

2004-08-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

So, Rob called me. He seemed to know better than to call before two. That or he just fit me into his schedule, he must be so busy touring little Bandon. I don’t know where you come from, but Bandon has a little less than three thousand people in it. And so Mom has been keeping track of everyone I graduated with. And Rob left Oregon to go to school in California, and he was stopping in town for some unannounced reason, and visiting people. Not something I would do. But then, he graduated college, and that was something I didn’t do either. Oh, didn’t I mention that already? Yeah, so I was two years into school and I was quickly on my way to getting an English degree, and on one drunken evening, around beer number fourteen, a buddy asked me what I was going to do after school. And that’s when I realized the only thing I could really do with an English degree was teach… teach English. I didn’t want to be a teacher. So, I dropped out. Not right then, I just didn’t come back in the fall. Never showed up for my junior year. But, Rob apparently didn’t hit that wall. And now he’s coming up to Portland, tomorrow, and I have to figure out how to show him a good time and still work. It’s a Saturday night, that’s a big night in my little bar.

My Blog's been ringing off the hook all morning

2004-08-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

So, here’s the rule, even if I didn’t work the night prior, a noon phone call is still too early. My mother apparently doesn’t know this rule. I got woken up this morning by the phone ringing, not a nice way to get woken, but I stumbled out of bed and answered the phone anyway. Mom apologized for waking me, but she didn’t get off the phone. She wanted to talk. I felt like I was talking to my damn parole officer. I’m an adult now, not on parole from being a kid. Am I still working at that bar? Damn right I am. Am I seeing anyone? Anyone serious? No, mom. Getting married and giving you grandchildren is not the highest priority on my list. It’s not even a priority. Your friend Rob is in Bandon right now. He’s visiting his family. Why don’t you ever visit? He’s got a girl with him too. They seem pretty serious. Why don’t you have a girl? I’m sorry, Mom. I’m just not attractive enough. Oh, Rob was asking about you. He’s coming up to Portland. I gave him your number. Gee, thanks Mom, when is he coming? And that’s when she hit me, Rob was going to be here tomorrow. Way to give me a heads up. Pissed off and awake I got off the phone as quickly as possible.

Nothing like a Thursday Night Blog

2004-08-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

I got back from my run nearly fifteen minutes ago, just long enough to get my heart rate down to normal and smoke a cigarette. I know, they’ll kill me, and I’m trying to quit, but I figure I earned this one. I just ran my brains out people! I ran completely around North Park twice, well not completely, I didn’t cross Burnside, but how far did you run today? Right, keep talking. I know, I need to run, but trust me, I do it for completely vain reasons, I am starting to get a little fat. Not really fat, and that’s why it’s so vain. And why am I telling you this anyway? You don’t even know me. You’re not even real.
So, I’ve got the night off, why am I not going out? I mean, I should be, right? Especially since I’ve been in a dating dry spell for a while now, it’s been like four months since I’ve had anything more than a one night stand. And I don’t think I’ve had a serious relationship since I was in college. I should have stuck with discussing my own vanity. Why am I even doing this? But, I don’t think I’m going to go out, I mean, going out starts to be a drag when you work at a bar. I’m not a club person, and well, the new movies aren’t really playing anything too demanding right now, which means I can go out and grab coffee by myself (not something to knock until you’ve tried it) or I can sit here and drink a few beers and play a little Madden.

You'd get mad at your dog if it made a blog

2004-08-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

I made it all the way until noon today before dragging myself out of bed. Sounds like I slept late, but we didn’t close the bar until nearly two last night. And I’ve been walking to and from work recently, not a lot of parking where I live, gotta pay for that shit. I told myself I was going to go jogging today, but so far, I haven’t. I just woke up and started playing PS2. ‘Cause that’s what I normally do in the morning. I eventually sat the controller down and got on here, on the computer. I think something about last night bothered me, probably something to do with the fucking yuppy crowd we get on the weekdays. I can’t stand them, they’re all in their thirties and they think they’re living in some sorta Cheers episode, only not nearly as witty. They’re pretty lousy tippers too. Tomorrow’s Friday though, and I don’t have to deal with them tonight. Maybe I’ll take some girl from the bar home tomorrow. I could really go for getting laid. It’s been a few weeks. You know what I think bothers me most about those guys at the bar? The yuppies? My father is always getting on my case, I’m 25 and he hasn’t quit yet, about being a success. Those guys are pretty successful, and what do they do? They hang out in my bar every night. Success must be great.

Oh look, a blog

2004-08-04T19:04:00.000-07:00

I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I’m not an “internet guy”, I mean, I’m not even really a cell phone guy. I got one, got a computer too, but I got one ‘cause my buddy bought this high tech, what the fuck was the word he used for it, something nuts like “bleeding” or I don’t know. Fuck it. It doesn’t matter anyway.
So, I get his old computer, a Sony, far out, right? Yeah, well Tim, that’s his name, he comes over a couple of weeks ago and he sets the thing up, I’m hooked up wireless to some other dude’s apartment. Only, I don’t think he knows it. Whatever, right? Well, so, I’d get on from time to time. I know my way around the internet, college wasn’t that long ago, only when I used to get on, Napster was legal, and everyone was sharing files. Now, I’m set up with email, and my computer basically just sits there. I don’t have to do research anymore. I don’t ask chicks for their email. I don’t really know anyone. Pretty lonely, and I work in a bar, so lonely is not something that I have to do too often. In fact, the only person that I talk to on this thing is Tim, and it’s usually when he’s online and drunk and sending me instant messages. Oh, he’s not always drunk, but it’s a pretty good excuse for his spelling being so bad. But, once upon a time I was an English major, so I guess some things just stayed with me. I’ve got to get to work soon, another night pouring beer, but before I really don’t want to leave my first post unfinished. So, one of the links that Tim sent me was this thing called a blog. I mean, I’ve heard of it, they had some of them covering the DNC this year, but I didn’t ever really care to figure them out. I mean, like I said, I’m not an internet guy. So, I start reading this guy’s blog, the one that Tim sent me, and it’s all about his crazy times in London. It was actually pretty damn interesting. But not as interesting as this link on the side of the page, it was this random blog link. I spent a good two hours just clicking blog to blog. Man, most were crap, and those were the ones in English, and I know I can write a hell of a lot better than that. But, the final straw came when I found this blog that was seven minutes old. It was a single paragraph called “Men Suck” or “All Men Suck” or something like that. That was it. So, I figure if I’m reading blogs like that, I’d better come up with one of my own. Right. My name’s Shemp by the way. Well, not my real name, that’s my fake rap name. Something we came up with closing one night at the bar. If you were a Rapper, what would your name be? We were kinda drunk. I said I’d be Biggy Shemp, ‘cause I got hairy knuckles. Not overly hairy, but there’s hair there. And it’s just something that sorta stuck. But, I’m off to work now, and no one is gonna read this anyway.